I had been contemplating what to write while I poured my coffee and "prepared" myself for my newly formed morning ritual. I was just oh so excited about being awake and having some peace and quiet.
Oh, then that was interrupted. God in His infinite mercy to convict me of a sin I committed yesterday....all day.
You see, my eldest was at my side again all day. I mentioned how I got annoyed with that at times? Yesterday, all I heard was "Mommy". It felt like he must have said my name 5,000 times. It was literally like a broken record. He wasn't even doing anything wrong. I just could not grasp why he had to start every sentence every five seconds with "Mommy?"
I finally told him, "Honey, you can just talk to me, you don't always have to start with Mommy, ok?" I thought that might deter him from using my God bestowed title, but I was wrong. It didn't help that my baby couldn't nap because of our bathroom remodeling and the noise. (Yes, poor me, I couldn't hear above the blessing of construction that we are so lucky to afford.) I know that at times I was short with him.
I read from the book of James this morning, specifically about wisdom. The verse didn't necessarily parallel yesterday's sin, but nonetheless in His word convicted me to the core. I read about the difference between wisdom that comes from Him and wisdom that comes from our ugly, sin-stained hearts (my paraphrase). James went so far to say that wisdom that comes from "bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts....does not come down from heaven, but is earthly, unspiritual, and of the devil". WHOA! Ouch. I mean, I can see it being unspiritual, but of the devil? Scary.
Somehow it clicked in my mind that my selfish ambition yesterday was a feeble attempt at getting my house in order. Cleaning, organizing, whatever, and it just wasn't getting done with the "Mommying". Yesterday was not a day he was content to play on his own, but wanted me to join him in every endeavor.
This morning as I read and felt all warm and fuzzy about being awake and being with God, he showed me that I should be crying "Lord!" or "Jesus", or "Heavenly Father" or "Holy Spirit" with as much intensity and frequency that my son used, if not more. I can say that my prayer life has definitely been revived by my postpartum experience, but today God reminded me that he does not get annoyed when I call on Him, and beckons me to ALL DAY LONG.
When my husband came home I told him about the constant sound of mommy and he said, "He just loves you."
He hit the proverbial head on the nail with that one. He just loves me. He longs for my attention and focused time and could care less about my agenda. As does our Living God. My agenda is often not what God has in mind and he longs for my attention, for me to listen to the leading of His Holy Spirit.
In the midst of writing this post, guess what I heard? "Mommy?" I had to laugh. I don't think it's in scripture that God has a sense of humor, but He certainly did with me this morning.
Lord, please help me to embrace the title of "Mommy" and carry out the duties of it with a wise heart that comes from your wisdom and not from my own selfish ambition. Thank you for the work of your Holy Spirit.
"But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."